


Now or Never

by kyloswarstars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25803790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyloswarstars/pseuds/kyloswarstars
Summary: Kylo likes Reader but isn’t sure how to flirt with her and comes off a bit intimidating. He ends up giving her a weird gift but she finally realizes what hes been doing.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Now or Never

There was always that wall of noise you ran into, when you left the museum after your shift. Inside it’s silent and peaceful. Museums had that special atmosphere of safety. A place where you felt protected. Libraries had that atmosphere too. And as soon as you stepped out of the backdoor, reality and the hectic and loud daily life of Hanna City was thrown into your face.

The sun was setting, flooding the small streets with orange and red. Hanna City always seemed like you could look to the end of the horizon. There were no hills, no up and downs, just plain straight and houses neatly placed at the curbs. Feeling the last bit of warm sunshine on your face felt good. It was the opposite of dipping your face into a flat water surface. But both felt good.

When Kylo left the museum through the backdoor you were already standing there again, waiting. Not for him of course. You waited for that tall, blonde girl to pick you up. And she was late. Even if he never met her, Kylo liked your friend that was always too late because that gave him a chance to stand next to you for a few minutes. 

He didn’t think he would enjoy the insides of a museum so much, when he first started working at the register. But soon it seemed like the museum was a portal into another galaxy. He didn’t only find a relaxing silence in there, which his friends joked about whenever Kylo mentioned it, he had also found you. He had never met someone who was as introvert as you but at the same time the most open and kindhearted person. In the mornings you were a little rubber ball, unstoppable and full of energy. And in the evenings you were a balloon losing air.

He didn’t understand why it was so hard for him to talk to you. Words just left him, when he found the courage to approach you. He wasn’t that shy around women usually. But you had something that made him insecure. Not about himself but about how he should interact with you. He couldn’t figure this out. He had heard you giving tours for the visitors, speaking with a lot of passion about the exhibits, but when someone asked you a random question your eyes locked with the ground and you seemed uncomfortable. And he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

When Kylo came to a stop beside you at the curb, you looked up from your phone. He didn’t stand too close to you but not too far away that you wouldn’t recognise him standing there. What he had figured out yet: you pulling up the corners of your mouth was the most of a smile you offered someone. You did it out of politeness but still it draw Kylo even more into the mysterious you were for him.

When you worked the same shift, the new guy always waited with you behind the museum after it had closed. It wasn’t annoying, it would have been annoying if Blake would stand next to you because he never shut up, but the new guy was alright. He never talked to you, you didn’t talk to him, so waiting with him until Phasma would arrive was actually okay.

„W-why are you here?“

„Sorry?“ You looked up at him again. His hands clasped the hem of his sweater and he tried not to look into your eyes. He was strange. Always dressed in black, attitude of one of those guys that got drunk every weekend, and he talked to simply everyone but you. Why did he now? Why did he ruin the no-words-waiting-thing?

„Sorry.“ The stare of you made him feel guilty. But why should he feel guilty? For asking a question? For being kind and trying to talk to you? „What I meant was why are you at the museum? W-working in the museum. Why?“

His stuttering made him less intimidating than he usually was. He had this broad shoulders and that deep, soothing voice and that sharp face and that flawless hair, all the features you expected in a guy that played with girls. _Damn, my prejudices._ It wasn’t okay to have them and you were still working on getting rid off them. Most times it worked but sometimes it didn’t.

Now that he actually talked to you, stuttered to you, he didn’t seem that intimidating anymore. His chopped words made you nearly comfortable in his presence.

„I’m here for the dinosaurs.“

 _I was right._ Kylo always noticed your increasing passion when your tour came to the dinosaur section. What about if the museum didn’t have replicas and skeletons of dinosaurs? Would you still be here? Probably not.

„And why are you here?“

„For the money. I need it.“ You nodded and looked away. When your eyes settled on your phone again, Kylo covered the face in his hands. How could he actually say that?

„Well, dinosaurs _and_ money.“ You had seen his reflection on your screen and decided to show him that nothing was wrong with his statement. Everyone needed money. That’s how it works. Even in Hanna City.

Kylo didn’t know what to return and he couldn’t even return something. Your friend pulled up and you left with a shrug of your shoulders. And one corner of your mouth pulled up.

When you got in her car you didn’t mention that she was twenty minutes late. For Phasma time was a structure that was flexible. Meeting at five? Phasma comes around three hours later. So twenty minutes was like one red traffic light for normal people.

„You saw that guy?“ You settled yourself in the passenger seat, feet against the dashboard and fishing the aux cable from her phone. As much as you loved your best friend, you couldn’t stand her taste in music.

„That tall one waving an awkward goodbye?“

„He waved?“ You turned around even if you were too far away to still see him.

„Yeah.“

Connecting the cable with your phone, you chose a playlist. „That’s the guy who talks to everyone else besides me. But today he talked to me.“

She eyed you over the frame of her sunglasses. „He is kinda cute.“

„Phasma.“

„What? You know I appreciate beauty in all kind of ways.“ She did but that was not why she said it. You knew her too good.

„Let us appreciate beauty in milkshake form, okay?“

**/////**

Poe had an unhealthy addiction for ice cream. Kylo liked it but Poe was extreme. Yesterday Poe had told him he needed to borrow Kylo’s car. For a really important mission. Today Kylo found out, after his friend had picked him up at the museum, he only borrowed his car because then he would be able to drive to the best ice cream shop in town, and Kylo would be unable to do anything about it.

„Oh, wow, wait!“ Kylo grabbed Poe’s arm and held him back. „We can’t go in there!“ He dragged him away from the door, pulled him back to his car.

„Why? I want ice cream. You won’t stop me from getting my ice cream.“

Kylo looked back to the window. He could only see your back and a bit of your profile, but he saw your tall friend. „She is in there. We need to go!“

„She? Who?“

 _„She.“_ Kylo starred at Poe, his eyebrows met technically his hairline.

„She?“ Poe turned around to get a look at you. „Where?“

„Not! What if she sees us.“

Poe crossed his arms and took a deep breath. _Oh no, lecture time._ „Kylo, my friend. You’re talking to me about this girl for two months, constantly. Three days a week because you saw her again in the museum, two days a week because she doesn’t work the other shifts with you and on the weekends you cry about yourself and your mouth that won’t work when you’re around her. We’re going in there, we’re getting some ice cream and you’ll flash a smile when she sees you. Alright?“ He walked off and held the door open for him.

Kylo concentrated hard not to look up. He wasn’t prepared to see you outside of the museum, or not behind it. He was scared he would melt right in front of you, seeing you with a friend of yours doing normal stuff and being you in an environment you probably felt comfortable in. Kylo wanted to know so bad how different you were or if there was no difference at all. Still he wanted to walk out of the shop again. He had waved like a freak and you didn’t even register it.

Poe had already ordered for the two of them, he always did that. Kylo didn’t have a favourite ice cream so he didn’t care what he would get.

„Come on.“ Poe pulled at his sweater and headed for a table behind you and your friend. _Fuck, keep cool. Be cool. Don’t look up, they won’t notice you._

„You followed us?“ It wasn’t your voice but he looked up anyways. And right into the eyes of your friend. She looked like she would call the cops any second.

„Oh, no. No, I didn’t follow-“ You saw the new guy from the museum with another guy passing your table. He looked so confused and embarrassed under Phasma’s stare.

„Phasma,“ you called her out and then looked to him. „She is joking. She has a strange sense of humour.“

Your voice sounded indeed different. Nearly nonchalant and a little amused. Kylo couldn’t move his eyes from your face. In the museum he never had the chance to get all the details of it.

„We’re here for the ice cream, girls.“ Poe always pulled that charming smile that made all the girls adore him. But your eyes were still locked with his. Kylo needed to break the eye contact when Poe pulled him along. He took the seat where he would sit with the back to you so Kylo needed to sit on the chair where you could see his face. And his most certainly red cheeks.

„Which one is it?“

„The one with the glasses.“

Poe didn’t turn around to take a second look. Kylo would have hit him if he did. „She’s cute.“

„You think I didn’t see that?“ Kylo’s eyes drifted away from Poe. Directly into yours. He expected you to look away but you didn’t.

You sipped your milkshake, hearing Phasma talk, but you didn’t follow her words. What was his name? You never got it. He was just the new guy, even if he was working in the museum for about two months now. You had never looked long enough at him to notice all the small moles covering his face. They looked like constellations you would find at the firmament if you connected them with a marker. _Cool, now you wanted to draw lines on his face._

„Y/N!“ Phasma snapped her fingers before your eyes and forced you to look at her. „You heard a single thing I said?“

„Yeah.“

„Good, now come on.“ You followed her out. The guy was watching you when you left. But you didn’t know what Phasma had said. Your thoughts had been a little distracted.

She didn’t drove in your apartments direction. When you arrived at the edge of town you knew where you were going. Some nights Phasma woke you up because she couldn’t sleep. You always went to that abandoned public swimming pool no one cared about. You didn’t get why that thing still existed, Hanna City was a fussy clean city, they usually got rid of places like that. Phasma liked to smash some windows. After a dozen visits there weren’t a lot of windows left. That night she destroyed the last ones.

**/////**

Your bright voice guided visitors through the museum again, it was still early in the day. Last time Kylo saw you was in the ice cream shop on Thursday. On Fridays you didn’t work and on the weekends the museum was closed. He had been thinking about you all the time. Mostly about your look over the shoulder when you had left with your friend, Phasma. Or about the dark circles under your eyes that shone through the layer of powder. Or about the small, bloody parts of your lips where you chewed on.

In his short break around four, he tried to build up some courage to talk to you again. The last two times didn’t went so well.

You stood in front of that huge Tyrannosaurus rex replica, the last group of visitors had left only a bit ago.

„Hi.“

You turned around when you heard his voice. „Hey.“

„You enjoy the silence?“ Only a few visitors had been around, no one that was loud.

„Actually I do, yes.“ Your arms were crossed but your voice was invite. He felt relieved about that.

„I like it, too. I didn’t know a museum could be such a peaceful place until I got here.“ You nodded, scrunched up your nose a little, out of agreement not refusal, and pulled up the corners of your mouth. _God, she was so cute._ „I’m sorry for Thursday. I didn’t follow you or anything.“

„I never thought you followed us. That’s literally the best shop around town, I understand why you went there.“

„Poe tricked me into going there. He is addicted to ice cream.“

„The milkshakes are great.“ You dropped the arms to your side and turned completely to him. „I never got your name.“ It was hard to look into his eyes but you didn’t want to look away.

„It’s Kylo.“

„Y/N.“

 _I know. Your name is beautiful. I want it tattooed on my skin. Someday._ Kylo was being a creep again. He loved the sight of someone he knew so little about. That was ridiculous. „I should leave you be.“

You didn’t say something else so he went back to the register. The other two hours were horror. Kylo constantly checked the time but it didn’t move forward. Finally he had a little bit of courage and now he needed to wait. And in that two hours the possibility of losing the recent found courage was high. Very high.

But it didn’t leave him. When he made it to the end of the shift he still felt the courage inside of him. Or so he thought. Because you, waiting at the curb for your ride, made him forget everything and admire your hair, tugged behind your ear. And how it fluttered in the wind when a car drove by. But he needed to do this. He wanted to talk to you.

„Are you waiting for your friend again?“ _Oh god, Kylo. Sure she is. What is wrong with you?_

„Yeah,“ you looked up. He liked how small your eyes looked in that big glasses. „Usually she texts me around lunch time if she makes it or not, but she didn’t text.“ Your voice was different. He had never noticed anger in it until now.

„You’re alright?“

Turning your full body to him, Kylo did the same. „Honestly? No. She does that all the time. She forgets to charge her fucking phone because her charger is broken and she uses mine. I don’t mind when she uses my stuff, we live together. But she doesn’t care if her phone is charged or not, and then she can’t text back and she won’t make any other effort to tell me if she can take me home or not.“ There was no garbage laying around in Hanna City you could kick, so you kicked some air. „But I shouldn’t complain.“

It was rude for even thinking that but you, angry, were an awesome sight. Kylo didn’t know why but you seemed more alive, more energetic and that suited you. That, and swearing.

He wanted to offer you a ride but he realised he couldn’t. He always waited with you behind the museum until you got picked up. If he would tell you, his car was parked around the corner, what would you think? You would think he was a creep. Which he was. „I would offer you a ride but Poe has my car. Can I help you otherwise?“ Lying was bad, but that was an emergency lie.

„No, thank you.“ Your hands gripped tighter around the straps of your backpack. „Actually, yeah. If she should show up before your friend picks you up, would you tell her I took the bus?“

„Sure, will do.“

„Thanks, Kylo.“ The corners of your mouth pulled up again, a little higher than usual, Kylo thought. He returned it. There was no way not to.

He watched you walk off and waited five minutes after you had disappeared, but your friend didn’t show up. When he got to his car and climbed in, he knew he had to make a stop before he would head home.

**/////**

You never liked dress codes. You hated the concept in general. You got why they existed, still you didn’t like them. With the dress code for the museum it was different. You were part of the team for six years, starting off at the register, finding out what you wanted to do in college, and staying because you loved sharing information about the exhibits the visitors got to see.

Olivia, curator of Hanna City’s museum of natural history, loved having you around. You loved being around, that were two things that matched up perfectly. She had been responsible for the little, blue and violet triceratops under your name, stitched onto your shirt. And that was why you liked the museum’s dress code. You were happy with the little things in life because life didn’t offer happiness for bigger things. At least not often to you.

You always smiled when you grabbed the uniform from your locker and pulled it on. There was nothing cuter than this little embroidered dinosaur.

Slamming the locker door shut, something fell to the floor. You didn’t notice it when you had entered the breakroom. You kneeled down to pick up a little package wrapped in newspaper. Glued to the package was a little paper with your name on it. You ripped it off and found more words on the other side.

‚Maybe she charges her phone more often now, so you can contact her when she doesn’t show up. But I can give you a ride too, if you need one. Got my car back.‘

Unwrapping the package you found a phone charger. Wow. You wondered who had got you the present, even if you knew it could only be Kylo. Yesterday you had ranted to him about the Phasma-phone-problem, who else could leave a present at your locker that fitted those rant so much? No one. You were even more surprised that he got the right phone charger. Did he actually pay so much attention to remember your phone brand? Did he pay so much attention to _you?_ He had got you a present, that indirectly wasn’t even for you, to solve the Phasma-phone-problem. Why did he? It was weird. It was also very kind.

Life was always like this. When you wanted to confront someone, and you actually had the guts to do it in that moment, karma came around and threw stones in your way. Uncommonly many visitors showed up at the register, a tourist group, that wanted to be given a tour through the museum.

Two hours later you tried it again, but then Kylo wasn’t at the register anymore. Where was he? You searched around the museum but couldn’t find him. You even asked Olivia in her office. She pointed out Kylo was taking smoking breaks form time to time. You tried your luck at the backdoor and there he was.

„Hey.“

Kylo was shocked, hearing your voice out of a sudden, he nearly dropped his cigarette. „Y/N. You smoke, too?“

You wished you still did. „Gave up on it.“

There was this unspoken rule to offer a former smoker a cigarette, just in case. Kylo held out his package.

„I shouldn’t.“ But you needed something that distracted you from confronting him. You weren’t good at things like this. You took one and he offered you fire, but you still carried your own lighter and declined his. That was a habit you didn’t get rid off because lighters were also good for a lot of other things.

The first drag instantly flooded your brain with nicotine. You hadn’t smoked in a year, it felt strange but so familiar. „I received your present.“

„I figured it could be useful. But if you don’t… I mean, if you-“ His stuttering came back around.

„It’s very kind. I appreciate it.“ You had never been that good with social interaction but with Kylo it was simply awkward. On both sides. „But why? I really appreciate it, but why?“

Kylo didn’t think about that part. He tried to come up with a fake reason while he finished his cigarette. Nothing came to his mind. „I always see you being so kind to everyone. I thought it would be only fair to return this kindness.“

„You see me?“

„Sure. You’re like the best to look at in there.“ _Fuck, did he actually just say that?_

„But there is an one-to-one replica of a Tyrannosaurus rex in the museum.“

Kylo may be clumsy around you, but you were totally blind for someones affection for you. „You are the most beautiful to look at no matter _where_ you are. You understand?“

Your puzzled look lasted a few seconds until your eyes went wide. Red appeared on your cheeks and you couldn’t keep the eye contact. „Oh.“

„I’m sorry. I didn’t want to like… scare you or something.“

„No,“ you snapped, in a good way. „It’s just, I didn’t expect it.“

„So… it’s okay? You’re okay?“ His heart pumped heavy in his chest. After work he needed to find a hole he could bury himself in. This level of embarrassment was hard to cope with physically.

Just when he thought karma was a total bitch, the most fascinating thing happened. You smiled. More than only pulling up the corners of your mouth. Your lips stretched out, over your whole face and your eyes lit up, sparkling in the sun. It felt like a cloudy sky was breaking up, just for Kylo to stand in a ray of sunlight. You made him feel like a corny metaphor.

„I’m absolutely okay. You’re okay with giving me a ride after work?“

„Yes! Sure.“ His chest nearly exploded because of his high pulse. „Do you want to grab a milkshake on the way home?“ _Now or never._

„Would that be like some sort of a… date?“

„No, absolutely not. Unless you want it to be.“ Again you smiled at him and that sight killed him.

„Yes, absolutely.“

Bang. He was dead and the most alive he ever was at the same time. He couldn’t wait for six o’clock. He couldn’t wait seeing your smile again. He couldn’t wait hearing you say his name. He couldn’t wait.

He did wait.

And he died and was reborn over and over again, every time you smiled at him with all you got. That was the most beautiful sight he ever saw. He could walk into a hundreds of museums of any kind, and he wouldn’t find a better piece of art to look at than you.


End file.
